In the Wee Sma's
by oz diva
Summary: Marilla wakes in the night and can't get back to sleep. Her mind wanders over the major events of her life.


_Marilla has always been my favourite character in AoGG. She had such a sad lonely life before Anne arrived. Then after Anne leaves home LMM pretty much ignored her. But as others have said, that just leaves an opportunity for fanfic._

 **In the Wee Sma's**

Am I awake? Oh what woke me up? I'll never get back to sleep now. Oh how my back aches, I suppose it's just old age. It's late, or early, depending on how you think about it. Years ago, I'd awake drenched in sweat, throwing off the covers in the middle of the night. Thank goodness that phase is over. Go back to sleep, it's nothing…

How I'd wept when I realised I'd lost John Blythe. We had had such fun together, but I had been too headstrong and proud, refusing to forgive him. What an idiot I was, but I've had 60 long years to chastise myself. Oh it's foolish to lose sleep over that mistake; think of something happier.

I have to laugh when I think of my bafflement at the sight of a scrawny girl in her too small dress on my doorstep, when I'd been expecting a boy. Of course it didn't take long to fall head-over-heels in love with the thin, little creature with a penchant for big words and crazy notions. To think I nearly gave Anne away, but when I tried to palm her off to that awful Mrs Blewett, my mind _softened at the sight of the child's pale face with its look of mute misery – the misery of a helpless little creature who finds itself once more caught in the trap from which it had escaped_. My resolve was already cracking as she told me her history and I read between the lines at _what starved and unloved life she had had - a life of drudgery and poverty and neglect_. _I was worried that if I denied the appeal of that look, it would haunt me to my dying day.*_

I know it's terribly wicked, but oh how she made me laugh when she yelled at Rachel for calling her homely the first time they met. Thankfully she eventually did apologise to Rachel, I knew she'd crack in the end, it was just a matter of waiting; though I was losing my resolve after a day or so. Ah that apology she nutted out was something else. She always had a habit of voicing all my misgivings. _Mind the first time she slipped her hand into mine; something warm and pleasant welled up in my heart at the touch of that thin little hand, maybe the first throb of maternity.**_

Anne filled our previously silent house with laughter for a few years and changed all of our lives forever. How seriously I took my new role as mother; every comment had to have a moral attached. I wonder why love was so difficult for me to express, if young Anne even knew the depth of my devotion...

Oh, it's impossible to get comfortable in this bed; my hips ache these days. In fact everything aches. Rachel always says I need more fat on my bones.

I'm so proud of my girl. Not surprisingly, because of course she was always so smart, but considering where she'd come from, she did so very well academically. I knew I did right letting her get an education, but the house was terribly quiet when she departed for college.

And what about the time I thought I would lose Green Gables after Matthew's death? Thank goodness, Rachel came to my rescue. I worried that I wouldn't be able to stand living with her; she drives me to distraction, but she is a good friend. If it weren't for her, I'd barely know anything about what goes on in Avonlea. Who needs newspapers if you have a Rachel?

That Gilbert Blythe was always a perfect match for Anne. They had their twists and turns, and at one stage it looked like history was going to repeat between the Cuthbert women and the Blythe men. Fortunately Anne wasn't quite as foolish as I and it all worked out for the best. Their marriage at Green Gables was one of the happiest days of my life; although I couldn't help feeling a twinge of sadness as they drove away afterwards.

At least I had Davy and Dora to keep me from dying from boredom. Davy was such a little tear-away, those first six months with him were the hardest. Dora, of course was no trouble at all, but Davy! I can't help grinning at thought of all the mischief that boy conjured up, but he has grown into a fine young man.

* * *

Oh, my bladder is full, can I be bothered to get up and find the chamber pot? There's always the worry that I'll tip it over in the dark, but I'll never get to sleep in this state; best get it over with… What a blessed relief.

Mmm, it's warm here under the covers. Oh recall that dark time when baby Joyce died. I'd been with Anne throughout her labour and shared her sorrow as best I could, but somehow I could only manage platitudes when all Anne really needed was a shoulder to cry on. I never expected them to have so many children, but what a lovely family they make. When Anne and Gilbert bring their children down to Green Gables on holidays, it's like the sun comes out again. I can spoil my grandchildren in a way I never could with Anne.

Goodness, is that the cock crowing already, it can't be nearly dawn can it? I'll turn this creaky body over and attempt to sleep again. Otherwise I'll be cranky and vexed all day.

* Anne of Green Gables Chapter V Anne's History  
** Anne of Green Gables Chapter X Anne's Apology


End file.
